Employee #8: I make Baskets

For Tony, Forever Ago

nathanrothstein — Sun, 13 May 2012 16:45:00 -0400

From his trailer in Idaho, where he is recouping after being cut from the Stampede, known as the dynasty team of the NBDL, Antoine Walker was asked to analyze the Sixers-Celtics series. Ten years ago, he was on the court with Paul Pierce, and current Sixer Tony Battie battling the Iverson led Philadelphia team. While Pierce and Battie are still playing, Walker is sadly broke and far from the Garden parquet.

When this writer showed up, Walker put down the current Faulkner novel he was reading, “man, I’m really getting into this…” to talk NBA playoffs. We expected an aging, beleaguered former star to look fondly on his ex-team but instead, he couldn’t stop talking about Tony Battie.

“He’s a great player….he plays so smart, but he’s old….he’s solid, but I just can’t imagine what he does in the game…I mean, I used to dunk on Tony everyday in practice…he still can play…I could beat him 1v1 anytime. C’mon Batman, come to Idaho, and see what’s up!….He really brings a lot of experience to Philly, so would I, actually. They need someone with experience- did you see the end of the game? Ha, Tony played great, didn’t he? ….Yea, I know he didn’t play, that’s why I was being sarcastic..c’mon, man..do you have twenty bucks?

This writer didn’t have twenty bucks for Antoine, and Tony didn’t have a response for Antoine. In the end, Antoine seemed comfortable to go back to Faulkner, but before this writer left, Antoine passed him a note, and told him he could publish it, “Tony Battie sucks!!!!!!!!!”

Spencer Hawes Endorses Gay Marriage

robinstereo — Sun, 13 May 2012 16:10:00 -0400

In a startling development that threatens to overshadow his team’s first Eastern Conference semifinals appearance since 2003, stalwart conservative and impending free agent Spencer Hawes has endorsed gay marriage.

“Like the president, my views have been evolving on this issue. I am ready to break with my party and say that I believe that a man and a man or a woman and a woman should be able to be married if they are in love,” Hawes announced to Boston reporters prior to the Sixers’ game one loss to the Celtics.

Hawes said he would be willing to discuss the matter further during his upcoming free agency campaign, when he hopes to land a long-term contract.

Players and retirees alike immediately noted the symbolic significance of Hawes’s stance.

“This is a huge statement from any basketball player, but it’s even bigger given that it’s Spencer Hawes, the only NBA player with a George W. Bush bumper sticker on his car,” John Amaechi, the openly gay former player, said in a statement.

While many are embracing Hawes’s new position, others are slightly more cynical.

“This is so calculated,” fellow center and free agent to-be Greg Steimsma said. “Spencer is just trying to generate a fanbase so he can get some extra money out of Golden State or something. It’s a total pander.”

When confronted with these accusations, Hawes scoffs.

“That’s ridiculous. I still think global warming is a hoax.”

Ivan Johnson: the most interesting man in the NBA An American...

nathanrothstein — Thu, 03 May 2012 20:09:00 -0400

Ivan Johnson: the most interesting man in the NBA

An American athlete in South Korea’s professional basketball league has been expelled for raising his middle finger toward a referee at the championship series, the sport’s governing body said Friday.

The Korean Basketball League (KBL) said it has decided to expel Ivan Johnson, who plays with the Jeonju KCC Egis, for swearing and raising his middle finger at a referee after his team finished second in the final game of the championship series against Ulsan Mobis Phoebis on Sunday. [Yonhap]

After the game, he was asked about why he decided that giving the finger was the appropriate thing to do, and responded: “I don’t always do something stupid, but when I do, I do it in Korea.” The translator told the press— ” Ivan Johnson is a man of principle and itchy fingers, which caused him to awkwardly raise the middle one, and point it at the ref.” Johnson immediately flew back to the US and was signed by the Hawks.

Delonte West Planning "Magical" Anniversary with Gloria James

robinstereo — Tue, 03 May 2011 20:54:50 -0400

As Delonte West shoots after practice, one can’t help but notice a boyish skip in his step. He gleefully accepts a piggyback ride from Nenad Krstic after giving a wedgie to Glen Davis.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into Delonte,” chuckles Paul Pierce. “For the last week he’s been like a middle schooler with his first girlfriend.”

Pierce’s comparison is not far from the truth. In fact, Delonte is preparing for a special evening with a very special someone.

“It’s been a year since Gloria and I first started seeing each other,” Delonte says, sheepishly looking at his feet. “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as her, and every time I’m around her I just feel so lucky.” He looks up and laughs. “Listen to me, I sound like a character out of a Danielle Steele novel.”

Delonte is guarded about plans for the evening, but does let some details slip.

“We’re going to get some oysters, oysters are a known aphrodisiac you know,” he says slyly. “I made her a CD, so I’ll give her that. I’m gonna buy her some tulips and get her the most expensive box of chocolates I can find. No nuts though. Gloria doesn’t like nuts.” He laughs at the last statement, like there’s a story behind it that he’s not quite ready to share. “We may check out that new movie coming out, ‘Something Borrowed,’ because both of us really like Kate Hudson. Then at the end of the night I’m gonna surprise her by taking her to the top of the Prudential Building, where I’m gonna play her ‘More Than Words’ on my guitar.” He pauses, temporarily lost in the moment, before looking, his impish grin returning. “We’ll see where the night goes from there, but it’s going to be magical.”

When asked how LeBron has handled the ongoing relationship, Delonte is not as forthcoming.

“Well, as you remember he didn’t handle it too well when he first found out about it. He sulked a bit. I think he’s warming up to the idea of me and Gloria together, but he’s still a little frosty toward me. He’s definitely not ready for me to be his stepdad.”

His new teammates have been more supportive of his relationship than those in Cleveland, Delonte says. While he does get some ribbing about the age difference, he says he has gotten used to it. In fact, he has come to enjoy it, because it makes him think of Gloria.

“When we’re together, it’s just incredible,” he says wistfully. “When she takes my hand and whispers in my ear, I can’t even describe it. It’s not like anything feeling I’ve ever felt. It’s so real.”

Watch out for the fireworks, Boston.

Ainge looks to sign Travis Knight

nathanrothstein — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 16:31:35 -0400

Since Shaq is out indefinitely, the Celtics need another powerhouse to clog up the middle and send shivers down the spine of opposing players. Ainge paid a call to Rick Pitino to ask for advice. At the Louisville Planned Parenthood office, where Pitino was taking care of some personal matters, the former Celtics coach endorsed former Uconn star Travis Knight. ” If you are looking for a franchise player, Travis is your man!”

Chemistry

nathanrothstein — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 16:18:00 -0400

Isiah Thomas, one of the greatest GMs ever (at blowing up his team), signed Jarred Jeffries back in 2006. The deal was worth $30million for a man who had never averaged over 7 points, but Thomas saw something else in him :

“I spent a lot of time this summer talking to different people about chemistry,” Thomas said, “because one of the things that was written and said and that’s true about us is the chemistry wasn’t right. And what Jared brings to us, more so than talent, he brings chemistry. I think he balances your locker room. He balances the plane ride. , in a group setting, he’s the chemical piece that makes everything kind of work, in a strange kind of way.”

Egypt's new leader

nathanrothstein — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 12:44:00 -0400

As the American press turns its attention away from the Arab spring, and the “Bombs over Tripoli” remixes hit Jersey Bar Mitzvah parties, IMB reporters are hearing rumblings of a new leader on the brink of power in Egypt.

He will also be the tallest leader of Egypt and the first to ever play at the Boston Garden. Yes, as you may have guessed by now: the once nascent NBA Party has evolved, and their fearless leader is ready to take power. His name is Alaa Abdelnaby.

He was last seen elbowing Dino Radja in Celtics scrimmages at Brandeis University in the mid 90s, but he has continued to work on his art of persuasion that will serve him well.

“Sherman Douglas always taught me about the power of student movement. Douglas had done his thesis on the European student movements of 1968, and he had worked out a formula for the kind of democracy we are trying to implement here in Egypt,” Abdenalby mentioned as he peered outside the square in Egypt. Students were waiving his Celtics #4 jersey on this bright humid day in early April.

Douglas had recently flown to Cairo to advise his former big man on democratic principles, but they weren’t above talking NBA playoffs. ” I still think the Celtics can beat the Bulls in a 7 game series,” Douglas said. Alaa shook his head,” Well, they still have to get by the Heat, and that will be difficult.” But, crazier things have happened this spring—-like a 7 footer becoming the leader of the free Arab World.

Andy Rautins Causing Tension in Knicks Locker Room

robinstereo — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 00:37:30 -0400

On the eve of their first playoff appearance in 7 years, the New York Knicks expected to be answering questions about the Boston Celtics. Instead, they have been bombarded with a new round of questions regarding turmoil in their locker room. This time, the focus has been on little-used guard Andy Rautins.

“That guy is a snake in the grass,” one teammate said. “I avoid talking to him at all possible costs because he’s so emotionally abusive.” This teammate commented on the condition of anonymity, for fear of incurring Rautins’s wrath.

“He’ll act like he’s your best friend and get you to open up to him, but then he’ll go and stab you in the back.”

According to his teammate, Rautins was the driving force in a teammate’s divorce.

“He told the guy’s wife that her husband was sleeping with other women on the road, which was a total lie. Anyway, she divorced the guy and ended up dating Rautins for a couple months. Then he dumped her because he said she was too needy. Then he started dating her sister.”

Rautins’s motives for undermining his team are unclear. He has played just 24 minutes all season and would seem inclined to do everything possible to curry favor with both his teammates and management. Not so, says his teammate.

“Pretty much every bad thing that happens with our franchise is somehow related back to Rautins,” the teammate sighed. “Who do you think put the story out there about Isaiah Thomas coming back?”

Marquis “King Midas” Daniels— everything he...

nathanrothstein — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:47:00 -0400

Marquis “King Midas” Daniels— everything he touches turns into 14K Gold

Good Sport.....Bad Sport

nathanrothstein — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 23:35:36 -0400

Bad Sport

Our full playoff preview is coming soon…but we need some...

nathanrothstein — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:49:00 -0400

Our full playoff preview is coming soon…but we need some Todd Day in our lives to drop 41 on Carmelo like it was 1997. Best Celtics swingman until Von Wafer put on a Boston jersey.

The best Celtics roster of all time.

nathanrothstein — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 17:04:00 -0400

The best Celtics roster of all time.

If Kobe and Pau had a child. Or if Pau got a haircut. Or a...

nathanrothstein — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 21:30:25 -0400

If Kobe and Pau had a child. Or if Pau got a haircut. Or a portrait of the two biggest floppers in NBA history.

Lakers win. Kobe upset he played so poorly.

nathanrothstein — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 21:27:48 -0400

Lakers win. Kobe upset he played so poorly.

Ron Artest finally gets the kiss he always wanted. All he had to...

nathanrothstein — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 21:24:41 -0400

Ron Artest finally gets the kiss he always wanted. All he had to do was blindfold Pierce.

Allen game 2 performace good...not great...

twf21 — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 11:32:18 -0400

From the Globe:

“Allen set a Finals record with five 3-pointers in a quarter, one short of the Celtics’ playoff record held by Antoine Walker.”

Thats right…what game you ask?

Most three-point field goals, one quarter
6 - Antoine Walker, Boston at Philadelphia, April 28, 2002

‘Toine finished with 27, 7 and 4 shooting 9-20 from the field in a 108-103 loss. So what the Cs didnt win and Vitaly Potapenko didnt play…Toine GOT HIS.

Every body do a wiggle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwsbJa9QyKo

Tete-a-Tete with a celebrity

nathanrothstein — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 01:52:00 -0400

I Make Baskets was honored today to have a short, but substantive conversation with a Celtics celebrity: Follow closely.

Confirmed: Marquis daniels will play in game 2….with a helmet #celtics about 6 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone

@marquis_daniels: @imakebaskets u kno me??? about 6 hours ago

@Marquis_Daniels no, but ‘toine says get your head in the game…and u owe him 20 bucks about 6 hours ago

How Kobe gets ready for the finals...

bleedthegreen18-deactivated2012 — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 11:56:45 -0400

When Lakers' players do something their owner regrets

nathanrothstein — Mon, 31 May 2010 20:39:00 -0400

In order to prepare for the Beijing Olympics in 2008, the Spanish team decided to take this photo. Pau Gasol can be seen in the right corner.

After getting caught paying more than $20 dollars for a...

nathanrothstein — Mon, 31 May 2010 12:14:50 -0400

After getting caught paying more than $20 dollars for a prostitute, Adam Morrison resigned today from his bid for Governor of California. His political party, Men With Mustaches On Lakers Bench (MWMOLB), released a statement today detailing next steps. “Our new candidate will be Kurt Rambis.”